Thirst and Hunger
by StartleAllWitches
Summary: Vikki was raised as an assassin. She was kept in check by her monstrous nature as a vampire and the "love" of the only family she'd ever known. That is until a contract goes completely wrong. Her eyes are opened and she finds herself stuck as an unintentional hero. Can she overcome her dark past and make her own future? Rated T for language and violence. OCxVilkas
1. Chapter 1

And they say that a hero can save us

I'm not gonna stand here and wait.

I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles

Watch as we all fly away.

Now that the world isn't ending, it's love that I'm sending to you

It isn't the love of a hero and that's why I fear it won't do.

"Hero" by Nickelback

Chapter 1: A Mother's Love

It was a long, cold ride to Whiterun. The fog was thick and obscured everything not within twenty feet of me. This was good, for it would provide me with an easy escape. Dusk had just settled and with the fog and Shadowmere's speed, we should have no trouble. I pulled out a piece of folded parchment. On it was a drawing of a house and a woman. The woman was my objective.

"Make her suffer, but don't kill her." Astrid had said. "That's your goal."

"But what about the blood price? Sithis demands blood." I had replied.

She smiled. "You are to kill her child. As long as you do it while she watches, you may do what you wish. Take the blood for yourself. It does not matter." She leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "Go, my child, and bring honor to the Dark Brotherhood."

The monster inside thirsted for pure blood. I considered this for a while, thinking it would be good to try blood that had not been tainted by drink. My cold heart livened at the thought. My gums began to tingle as I thought of my fangs sinking into tender flesh. Eagerly, I flew from Shadowmere and entered the city. It took me but a few moments to find the house. I knocked on the door.

"I'll be just a moment!" Came a voice from within.

A woman opened the door and peered at me suspiciously. "Who are you and what do you want?"

I shoved the door into her, sending her flying. While she was still recovering, I moved inside, shut the door and bolted it. She scrambled to her feet. "What are you doing?"

I smiled at her. "Sithis sends His regards."

"Sithis… no!" She tried to run, but I grabbed her by the arm and followed the scent of pure blood, dragging her along. She was screaming protests the entire way but she was helpless.

When I found the child, he was crying, almost as if he knew what was about to happen. I threw her against the wall and stooped to take the toddler in my arms. The beast within was licking its chops, ready for the pleasant meal to come. The woman threw herself at me, catching me unawares and making me stumble for a couple steps. When I looked back at the crib, she was standing between the child and me.

"Take me! Let him live!" She cried. Tears streamed down her face. She was shaking so badly she could barely stand, yet she was defying me.

"It is in your best interest to move out of the way." I growled.

Her bright blue eyes bored into mine. For but a moment, I was lost in those eyes. There was something unfamiliar and foreign in them. Something I had never seen before.

She would fight me with every fiber of her being. She'd fight me even if she knew she had no chance of surviving. A small part of me wondered what would possess her to do such a thing.

"You let me bleed you dry before you'd let me kill him. Why?" I asked purely from curiosity.

"He is my son." No trace of fear was in her voice.

That was her only explanation? He was her son? It hit me like a punch in the stomach.

What I saw was a mother's love. And for all Astrid's words and promises, I'd never seen her look at me with such love in her eyes. I had made myself a stone cold killer for her. I forced my humanity away to please her so she'd love me. She used me. My whole life had been a lie. The beast within faded away as my blood ran cold.

I swallowed. "Take him and get as far away from Skyrim as you can." I said. I put my coin purse on a nearby table. "This should be more than enough gold to see you to safety."

She wouldn't budge. "I don't believe you!"

"I know my word means nothing to you, but I will not harm you or your son, and I will do everything in my power to make sure that the Dark Brotherhood doesn't pursue you."

She seemed to finally believe me. The child stood in his crib behind her, staring at me.

"If I may ask, what are your names?" I said.

"I'm Sierra and my son is Derron."

I nodded. "Farewell, Sierra." I turned to walk out.

"Wait!" I turned around. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because he doesn't deserve to die."

She started to smile, but her eyes widened in horror and she shrieked. A searing pain split across my lower back as I felt a blade slice into my flesh. I fell to my knees as Astrid walked in front of me, a bloody dagger in her hand. Sierra backed away from her.

"You're too weak Vikki. This little witch has you under her thumb. Did she mention to you that the bastard is Arnbjorn's son? She seduced my husband into sharing her bed and continues to spite him by caring for this little thing."

I fought against the pain and shoved myself to my feet.

"It was Arnbjorn who forced himself on me!" Sierra protested.

"DO NOT talk about MY husband like that." She slapped Sierra.

The beast started creeping upon me as Astrid reached for Derron. "So your solution is to slaughter an innocent child?" I said. "If anyone is at fault it is Arnbjorn. The contract should be for him, not Derron. But there isn't one, is there? No one prayed for this."

Astrid spun around. "You ungrateful little bitch!" She strode to me and punched me in the stomach. I fell to the floor gasping for breath. "I took you in. I raised you. I trained you! I gave you everything a mother could give!"

"You don't give a damn about me." I coughed. "I'm just a tool to you!"

She kicked me. "I'll deal with you later." She returned to Derron. Sierra had picked up a candlestick and charged Astrid, who shoved her effortlessly out of the way.

I gritted my teeth and forced myself upright. "You. Will. Not. Hurt. Them." With every bit of strength I had left, I threw myself at Astrid, tackling her. I did my best to hold her still. "GO!" I yelled to Sierra. Astrid head-butted me, making my vision go blurry. She kicked me off of her. In a blinding flash, she stabbed me again. I punched her, knocking her back. I scrambled on my hands and knees, yanking the dagger out and started swinging wildly, unable to see where Astrid was, but my strength was failing me. I collapsed on the floor. I could do no more. I had nothing left.

"I'll enjoy killing you." Astrid whispered in my ear. Then there was a huge crash and all of the sudden I was swaying. I could hear someone's heart beating its lullaby in my ear. This sensation was soothing to me. Then the swaying and hear beat were gone and all that was left was the darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Grateful

I was surrounded by warmth and the scent of lavender. I opened my eyes to find a small face staring into mine. He smiled.

"Thank the Gods you're awake!" Sierra sat next to me, her son in her arms.

"What happened?" I groaned.

"You told me to run. So I did. A man was outside and he went in after you. He chased that woman away and came out with you." She was quiet for a second. "You saved our lives."

I didn't know what to say. It felt so different. I was so used to taking lives instead of saving them.

"Do they know what I am?"

She shook her head. "I told them you were a traveler who saved my life"

I cursed. Why didn't she turn me in? "How long have I been out?" I asked.

"Four days. You lost a lot of blood and it took all of my healing skills to save you."

I shot up. "Why aren't I thirsty?"

"I gave you my blood."

Anger swelled in my chest. "Why in Talos' name would you do that?"

"I couldn't let you die. Not after you've done so much for us. It was the least I could do."

"You do realize that not long ago, I was ready to kill you."

"There's something different about you. You are shrouded in darkness, yet you're a good person."

"Sierra, you don't know what I've done. I was raised to kill and not think twice about it."

"Then why did you spare us?"

"I saw the way you protected him." I looked her in the eye. "You weren't afraid. You'd do anything for him. That woman that almost killed us was like my mother. She'd raised me and I thought she cared for me because I knew no different. She used me as a pawn. I know it's not a good excuse, but I did all that I did for her. Because I wanted her to be proud of me."

"So you're awake!" An elderly woman walked in the door. "Goodness, you had everyone concerned. We were all afraid you wouldn't wake up! When Vilkas brought you in here, you were a mess!"

I was taken aback. They didn't even know me, but they were worried about me? "This is Tilma, caretaker of Jorrvaskr." Sierra said.

"I've been tending to the warriors of Jorrvaskr as long as I can remember." Tilma smiled at me. "I'll have you a hot bath ready in a few minutes and I'll find a change of clothes for you."

"She's a sweet woman." Sierra said when Tilma left.

"She seems like it." I said, swinging my legs off the bed. I rubbed my temples, willing the groggy feeling from my head. Derron walked shakily over to me and held my shin in an iron grip. I froze, unsure of how to react.

"He really likes you." She said as he looked up at me with his big blue eyes. He grinned and started to giggle. "He refused to leave the room while you were unconscious."

I couldn't stop a small smile from coming to my lips. And to think I'd almost killed this innocent little angel.

"Vikki." The word was barely understandable, but he'd said it nevertheless.

"Derron!" Sierra's eyes grew wide with happiness and brimmed with tears. "That's his first word!"

"Vikki!" Derron said again, grin growing wider.

All I could think of was how I didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve this child's affection. I didn't deserve Sierra's loyalty.

"Your bath is ready, sweetie." Tilma walked in, a bundle of clothes in her hands. Sierra pried a reluctant Derron from my leg so I could stand. Tilma led me into another room where a tub of steaming water waited for me. "When you're done, come upstairs to the main hall for dinner." When she left, I undressed and looked for any indication that Astrid had stabbed me, but found none. Sierra was a very good healer. I lowered myself into the scalding water. The heat warmed me to the core as I hunkered down. I figured I may as well enjoy the first bath I'd had in a week.

* * *

The Companions were yelling at one another over a large feast when I came into the room. When they realized I was there, they fell silent.

"Please sit!" A large man said cheerfully, motioning to an empty chair next to him. "I'm Kodlak Whitemane, harbinger of the Companions. And you, young one, have become quite the hero."

I avoided the eye contact of everyone in the room "To be entirely honest, it was an accident."

Kodlak chuckled. "That was the best accident I've ever seen. I don't believe I've ever seen you in Whiterun before."

"This is my first time here." I said. "I'm from Falkreath."

"That's a long way from here."

I cracked a sad smile. "I know. My mother died recently and there's nothing left for me there."

"I'm sorry for you loss."

"Don't be. She was an evil woman." I don't know why I had to say this, but I blurted it out with as much venom as I could muster. "In all honesty she wasn't my mother. I don't know who my real parents are. She never loved me and only used me to achieve her goals. I'm glad she's gone so I can go my own way."

As I'd said this, I'd wondered what my own way was. I wasn't cut out to be a hero. I wasn't sure I could even be remotely good. My vampirism would see to that.

"You're more than welcome to stay with us as long as you need. And you've shown impressive honor and resolve. You'd make a good companion." Kodlak said.

I tried to look him in the eye as I made my reply. "Like I said, it was an accident. I'm not usually the one to play the hero." He just smiled.

He knew! Gods damn it, he knew! I started to mutter some excuse, but he cut me off. "Could I speak with you alone?"

I swallowed and nodded. I followed him to a room just off the main hall.

"I feel you're not telling me everything. You've left out a few important details, haven't you?"

"Don't you think everyone would try to kill me if they knew? I didn't mean to save that woman, but I have no interest in hurting anyone else."

"You've been hurt too much yourself." He said. "I see it in your eyes."

"I didn't choose this life. I didn't choose to be an assassin. I didn't choose to become a vampire. I haven't made a choice for myself in my life."

"You were sent to kill Sierra, weren't you?"

I plopped in a chair. "No. I was supposed to kill Derron. His father is in the Dark Brotherhood and my 'mother' wanted him dead."

"Is that the woman that you fought?"

"Yes. She'd followed me. I don't know if she wanted to watch the deed, or if she wanted to make sure I did it, but the point is she followed me."

"Why did you choose not to kill Sierra?"

I struggled for an explanation. "She showed me that my life has been a lie."

Kodlak smiled again. "You contradicted yourself."

"No I didn't!"

"You said you hadn't made a choice for yourself. You chose to let Derron live. You chose to fight to save him and his mother."

"I suppose so…"

"I'd say you made the right choices."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I believe you when you said you didn't have a choice when you joined the Dark Brotherhood. If you had had the ability to choose, would you have walked that path?"

"No." I said, almost without thinking.

He nodded, satisfied with my answer.

"I don't usually condone such things, but you may keep your past a secret from the others. At least until they understand you enough to understand your past."

"I'm not staying around long enough for that to be an issue."

"You have the Dark Brotherhood on your tail. I'm not sure you could survive another encounter with them alone."

"They caught me off guard. It won't happen again."

"Vikki, that's how they work. They always catch you off guard."

"I trusted her. She betrayed me. I know better than anyone else how they work. The next time they come, I'll be ready."

"Vikki, you're a good girl. I'd hate to see you throw your life away because of your hardheadedness."

"I am more than capable of handling myself."

"Prove it then. If you can fight and best all of the members of the Circle, you can face anything the Dark Brotherhood has to offer…"

"Fine."

"But if you cannot, you stay with us."

I felt confident in my abilities. "Sure."

I should have known something was up with the spark that lit his eye, but I was satisfied enough that I wouldn't have to be sticking around long and be forced into heroism again.

* * *

The Circle members formed a circle around me in the training yard. It was just after sunset and the only light we had was from the torches and the moons rising steadily in the sky. Kodlak hadn't given them a real reason why we were out here, just insisting he was making sure the healing had worked and testing me to become a companion.

"I'm not fighting her. She almost died!" A man protested.

"Do not argue, Vilkas. A Deal is a Deal. She agreed to fight all of you."

I could see Vilkas didn't like this at all, but he held his tongue.

"Farkas. You're first."

Farkas stepped forward and drew his sword. The Companions will be happy to have you among our ranks."

I smiled and assumed an aggressive stance. Farkas looked shocked. "You'd fight me with no weapon?"

"I don't need them." I said.

Farkas stabbed his sword into the ground. "Then I don't need them."

"Very well." Kodlak said. "You all know the rules. Fight to first blood. Vikki wins, she is free to hunt the Dark Brotherhood as she pleases. If she loses, she stays with us as a Companion."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. A deal's a deal." I mumbled. "Let's get on with it."

"Begin!" Kodlak yelled.

Farkas charged me. I dodged him with blinding speed and jumped on his back. With a nimble twist, I had him flat on his back. I waited for him to stand. "You're a quick one." He said. We circled for some time before he tried again. After a flurry of punches I barely managed to escape, he wrapped his arms around my torso and squeezed the air out of me. I slammed my head into his face and he released me. He fell to his knees, disoriented. When his hand came away from his nose, it was covered in blood. "You fight well, Vikki." He said, returning to his place in the circle. I glanced around for my next opponent.

"Vilkas." Kodlak said.

Vilkas reluctantly stepped forward, his eyes filled with confliction.

"I'm sorry." He said.

I just scoffed and waited for him to attack. When he came at me, I could see that each and every move he made was calculated and carefully executed. I was so in awe at this that I barely noticed how close he was to me. I barely had time to dodge his punch. As his arm flew by just inches away from my face, I caught the scent of lavender and ale. For a moment, I was stunned, and could not bring myself to move when his hand came flying black towards me.

The next instant, I was flat on my back, the tangy taste of blood in my mouth. It took a while for me to realize what had happened. Vilkas stood over me, hand extended. I shot to my feet. A cry of aggravation escaped my lips. My hands went towards his neck. He slapped them aside effortlessly, twisted me around and held me to him, my arms pinned to my sides. I tried to squirm away, but he held me firmly. "Quit fighting. You've lost." He said.

Kodlak stepped forward. "You're bleeding. Vikki, you've lost."

I spat blood on the ground. Rage bubbled inside me. "You got what you wanted, Kodlak." I sneered, shaking Vilkas off me. He knew this would happen. He knew the moment he offered. Without another word, I strode out of the circle, eager to be away from Kodlak and Vilkas. Especially Vilkas.


End file.
